Since moving to Austin two months ago, I’ve met around 20 new people already. I’ve been a busy bee! I’ve been asked a few times about how I’m meeting so many people so fast.
A book!! A book helped me!! A book saved me!! A book has helped me and made me so happy!! Shortly before I moved from Wichita to Austin, I saw MWF Seeking BFF sitting on a table at Barnes & Noble. The timing was so great. I read this book the week I move to Austin and then I was off!
MWF Seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche
MWF Seeking BFF is a memoir by Bertsche. Bertsche was living in NYC, but moved to Chicago to move in with her boyfriend and got married soon after. She was a newlywed in a new city with a new job and a new spouse. But she was really missing her girlfriends. What do you do in a new city with no one to call for brunch or to grab a glass of wine with? You can still call your BFF’s out of state to randomly talk about stray chin hairs or confess the amount of Biscoff you ate in one sitting (enter Sarah for me, she’s my person). Woman can’t live by phone calls to friends alone though!
Bertsche set a goal for herself. She’ll goal on 52 friend dates in a year with the hope of finding a Chicago BFF. I love this book so much because I learned how to get out of my comfort zone. Is it initially awkward to ask a virtual stranger out for lunch? Yes. But if you were on the receiving end of this invitation would you be flattered and happy? I would!
Bertsche really got out there even more than I currently have the guts to do. For example, she asked out a salesperson at a clothing store to meet up. And she wrote her number on a receipt after she really hit it off with a waitress that she enjoyed. Both ladies said yes though!
I’ve had the most success with Girlfriend Social so far. Bertsche actually had no luck with this site, but I’ve met 6 ladies through this site. And yes, I do feel like I’m on a platonic Match.com site. But once again, would you rather get out of your comfort zone or sit at home alone? Of the 6 ladies, I really enjoyed 3 of them and have seen 1 more than once. There was only one that I felt was totally not a good “friend fit” for me.
Here are some highlights that I took away from the book:
–Women are BUSY. Don’t get discouraged/take it personally if you don’t hear back for awhile or if you get cancelled on. It’s frustrating, but unfortunately if a woman has a family/job/etc, friends are one of the 1st things to get put on the back burner. As a very sensitive person, this insight really helped me.
–Try not to get too annoyed if you make a friend date and the woman brings a friend with her! It’s kind of rude actually, I feel. But that woman is probably very nervous and did it to help her comfort level. This happened to me already, so I tried to roll with it.
–You’re not alone!! As a woman in your 30′s, it’s HARD to make friends. Most friends are made in school and at work. Many women may be in a same boat as you yearning to make a new friend. To be successful, you may have to make the “first move” though. Although online dating is so commonplace now, saying that you need more friends has a stigma attached still. So women may be suffering in silence, but if you’re brave enough to reach out, you may be making the other lady’s day!! I found the “first move” to be very important on Girlfriend Social. All the woman I met, signed up for the website on a whim but then never did anything about it. We’ve been conditioned to wait for a man to make the first move….so on a friend site, it was a stalemate situation. If I hadn’t have emailed the women, I don’t think anything would have come from the site.
–Follow-up is KEY! If you meet a new friend, you have to follow-up! Since you are the one making the plan from the beginning, they will kind of expect you to follow-up if you want to meet up a second time. Once again, I think this goes back to women being conditioned to wait to see if a guy wants a 2nd date. I’m now focused on following up with the woman that I had a blast with to see if they want to get together again. At some point, it has to become a back & forth/give & take situation to be a real friendship though. I think I’ll have to play that by ear.
I have so many pages that I’ve marked in MWF Seeking BFF that were light bulb moments for me. I could talk about this book for hours. My advice: BUY THIS BOOK….. and do you want to meet up for coffee?? ;)
5 out of 5 stars
Thank you for posting this. I agree… after a certain age it is difficult to make friends. It was so easy when you are in school and you see your friends every day. Now, most of my friends and I tell each other we will get together, but we never do.
Well maybe you & I can BREAK that pattern, because I definitely want to meet up with you again!!! I’d happily come back to SA to hang out with you!
This sounds great and I’m so happy for you that it’s helped you adjust to your new city. I’m curious if she covered the single vs. not single situation. She, herself, was newly married you said. Did she find that single woman were more reluctant to make a married friend? My experience has been that couples tend to go out with other couples unless the single friend was there prior to the marriage/relationship.
I can’t remember if she said anything about it specifically. She mentioned one friend that she REALLY hit it off with that also had young twins. So she said it was harder to get together but she didn’t mind due to the connection. That’s one thing I learned too….the power of “the spark”….it’s true in dating & friendships.
Being single myself, I’ve found that I have to be flexible and hang out with my friends on weeknights. The weekends seem to be couple time. Which I’m okay with…although it can be exhausting going out on a weeknight and then in turn boring not having plans on the weekends.
Great meeting you today. Hope you enjoyed the Pearl.
AH! Thanks for the post (and to my husband for pointing me at it). I too am in my 30′s (okay, 30), live in ATX and have had a hard time meeting new friends!
Ah Christy….if you ever want to meet up, let me know!! We can be ATX friends!